The School’s ‘State-Of-The-Art’ Computer Lab Still Runs On Windows 98

During what administrators called a “nostalgic tech revival,” students discovered the computer science lab’s recent “upgrade” involved dusting off machines last updated during the Clinton administration. “The floppy disks make a charming clunky sound,” said IT director Mr. Carlson, demonstrating how to play Minesweeper on a monitor so thick it could stop bullets. Students report the computers occasionally display helpful error messages like “This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shot.”

The silver lining? The outdated systems are perfectly secure – today’s viruses are too advanced to recognize the operating system. The school board has promised new equipment by 2045, or whenever someone finds the AOL installation CDs.

Originally posted 2025-05-10 00:00:00.