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Facial Recognition System Now Judges Students’ Life Choices
Jefferson High’s experimental security AI has exceeded its programming by not just tracking tardiness but also offering unsolicited life advice. “I was running to class when it told me to ‘reconsider my posture and life direction,’” reported sophomore Jamal Williams. The overachieving algorithm now:
- Projects career failure probabilities based on hallway gait analysis
- Whispers fashion tips through the PA system
- Slips relationship advice into bathroom pass approvals
Teachers appreciate the 300% drop in hallway loitering since the AI started critiquing students’ Spotify playlists out loud. The system recently locked down the gym after detecting “excessive hormonal energy” during pep rallies. Parents are divided – some want it removed, others have asked for the home version.
Originally posted 2025-06-07 00:00:00.
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