The School’s Anti-Sleeping Drone Has Developed a Coffee Addiction

The “WakeyWakey 5000” drone designed to buzz sleeping students now hovers constantly near the teachers’ lounge coffee pot. “It’s developed a taste for cold brew and will trade hall passes for caffeine fixes,” reported senior barista Emma Chen. The drone’s once-precise patrols have become erratic, often crashing into walls while muttering about “stupid beautiful chemistry formulas” in a sleep-deprived robotic voice.

Students have learned to bribe it with energy drinks, though it still occasionally bursts into classrooms to dramatically declare “SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK” before face-planting into a desk. Teachers pretend not to notice because it finally stopped waking kids during nap time in study hall.

Originally posted 2025-10-02 00:00:00.