The School Library Now Charges Late Fees In Push-Up Reps

In a bizarre fusion of literacy and physical education, the school library has implemented a new penalty system where students must perform calisthenics for each day a book is overdue. “Five push-ups per day really motivates them to return Charlotte’s Web,” said librarian Mrs. Henderson while spotting a sophomore doing burpees for an overdue copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. The system backfired when the football team intentionally kept all the sports biographies to bulk up.

Students attempting to return Shakespeare collections have been seen collapsing in the hallways. The health teacher is thrilled with the results, though English teachers worry about students associating literature with muscle failure.

Originally posted 2025-06-23 00:00:00.